i cant decide if sleeping is just an essential part of life or if it works like an addiction for me. My back is hurting from rest, isnt it ironic? We are suppose to be hurting from work overload. This week has been sleeping till late afternoons , watching the sun set from a distance, and falling back to sleep again. Ive been salivating and dreaming so much its almost my reality. I am living dead. I feel like a part of me is India experiencing all the lovely sights and sounds. yeah, and the archeiture. But im actually just here, finishing part of kite runner and tracing animals on my bed. I am so lazy to do anything... & the thought of school starting in a week. i cant hear the books calling but instead the music of damien rice on repeat.

Every night this week i experince an epiphany so surreal. everynight i take a trip to 2006, 2007 and conclude im lucky to be in 2008. i think of everything ive built and destroyed and things ive done which i can never reverse. My hurt from within is almost healed and the scars well...we'll just leave them as souvenirs given to me.

I think of your face, of your hair of your beauty that once possessed me. You not i, let it slip away. But its for the best, old traits will not make way for the new.

And then i think of another you and the bond we used to share. Blood we once said, its was me that it slip away. I keep forgetting how you showed up at my door when i was crying after a bad break up. I keep forgetting how i once needed you so badly i almost bought myself a plane ticket to be anywhere near you. I used to have your back, like how you had mine. i keep forgetting and now it seems i forget how it was to know you at all.i miss you even more than you can say i am a fool for forgetting you. In more ways than one, i still have you at heart, GORF.

and now presently 2008, I can do everything and anything, but all i really want to be is dead without you. After 6 months i think im ready, because youve showed me how honesty can bring hope, and your love, your goddamm love can take me home.

Oh i must be crazy, tonight to say everything ive said.
Lets give my gun away when its loaded....